According to the novels of Ilya Ilfa and Eugene Petrov
12 Krzese³
Part One ICE has begun
In the summer of 1927, at 11.30
from the northwest, Czmarowka from the village,
Stargorodu came to the young man.
Uncle, give 10 kopecks!
Well, give 10 kopecks!
Uncle, give 10 kopecks!
I tell you, give 10 kopecks!
Or perhaps give a key to the apartment, where are the money?
No.
The young man ze³ga³, had neither the money nor the key or apartment.
He did not have anything.
Was named Ostap Bender.
MEAT TRADE And game
HATS AND OTHER HEADGEAR
Bon Appetit
RIO-DE-JANEIRO Pub
ARTICLES CHEMICAL A. BUT
PRIVATE TRADE BACHANIUK i S-ka
What is it?
What's going on and who you are?
Could something be wrong?
Well you know yourself.
And can we come into the store and there we'll talk?
Talk to you in another place!
Welfare House No. 2
Let the fire.
Ojczulku, need boyfriends in your city? You are in any fiancees?
And many a mare enough.
I have more questions. And in this house are fiancees?
It is a state shelter, old ladies living here - pensioners.
I understand, those that were born the historical materialism?
When you were born, you were born.
What do you think ojczulku, it would not be bad to drink guinea?
- Well, that attitude. - Okay. - Come on.
Spend with you.
A living and life itself, a decent man out of you.
And what there was for the old regime?
My master lived here, Hippolytus Matwiejewicz Worobianinow.
- Bourgeois? - Sam're bourgeois. Marshal of the nobility.
I am proletarian.
You yourself are the proletariat! I said - the marshal.
Even policmajster salute him.
I come to him, say, with New Year wishes,
and he gives three rubles.
Easter, let's say, just...
the next three rubles.
He promised to introduce me to the coin.
He told me - Tikhon, feel, if you already have a medal.
Did not have time.
- And now for the give medals kept watch? - Give.
I'm going.
Go, go, go!
My lord! From Paris!
Hello, Tichonie. But Paris was not what you came to a head?
Although this is not Paris, you are cordially welcome to our "hut".
- But I'm not from Paris! - And great!
The Lord's not from Paris. You came from Ko³ogrywu, visit his deceased grandmother.
My name is Bender. Perhaps you have heard?
No, not heard.
Well, yes, yes, yes.
Where in Paris would be known Ostap Suleiman Bert Marie Bender-Bey?
Bert Marie Bender-Bey... a kind of silly.
- I have not come to Paris! - Shh, cit, cit... with Morszañska.
Heat now in Paris?
You know... I have a better go.
Where you do not have to hurry. GPU itself will come to you.
- I do not understand you. - Soon you will understand.
Please sit down. Fast!
By which you crossed the border? Polish, Finnish, Romanian?
Word of honor, I am a citizen Soviet
I can show you passport. Please.
With today's development printing techniques in the West,
print Soviet passport is so trivial, that simply laugh talk about it.
So, yes: And - we have immigrant who returned from Paris to his hometown,
B - The immigrant is afraid that will take him to the GPU
- C -... - I say again, I'm not an immigrant!
And who are you? Why do you come here?
- I came in a case. - In what case?
- In a personal statement! - The personal?
And after all this you say, that it is not an immigrant?
So what? You testified voluntarily, or choose somewhere else?
Well!
In the end, without a helper may be hard, Hippolytus thought Matwiejewicz,
and this looks like goodies dodger. This can be useful.
Well. I will tell you everything ..
The county town of N., where they were worked in the USC Marshall,
there were so many hairdressers and funeral,
it might seem that the residents arise only after it
to a shave, haircut, Wash the head and died instantly.
No sooner she dies!
O God!
Confessed. Pure soul.
- Courage, Hipolit Matwiejewiczu. - Hipolit!
Please, please go.
Hipolit...
Should I entrust to you an important secret.
Do you remember our set Stargorodzie in the living room?
I remember, I remember very well. Couch, a dozen chairs...
The chair seat decamped their diamonds.
What diamonds? It did not take them then, during the search?
Hid diamonds in his chair.
Your jewels! " Why do not you give me them?
How could I give you diamonds, if you missed my daughter's fortune?
Packed in a chair diamonds worth 70 thousand!
The chair, which do not know who is sitting!
This is, after all ..!
- "Evening bell, the evening bell..." - Fedya... what about you?
"How many think he brings."
God! What have you done with him?
Listen carefully. Just a word to anyone!
Have just confessed Worobianinowa mother in law.
She betrayed me, Stargorodzie that, in their home,
in one of the chairs from the living room retracted her diamonds!
These diamonds bequeathed me.
- You? - Me!
Soon you'll live in a new and build fabryczkê candles,
and maybe something else. "Evening bell..."
Diamonds!
I find them.
Surely find.
I feel that the stones are chosen with relish.
I think that now are worth 150-thousand.
- There so much? - Certainly not less.
Only you, dear comrade Paris, pluñcie on everything.
- How does it spit? - Simply, saliva.
- Nothing will come of it. - What?
Lord suite of furniture burned down long ago... in the oven.
Peace of mind... peace.
Peace!
I am taking the matter into their own hands.
So... we conclude little agreement.
If I find a treasure, as technical manager, I get...
- Sixty percent. - It's highway robbery in broad daylight!
And if you wanted to propose to me?
Well, about five percent... the final ten.
You want me to work for free,
and yet he gave the key to the apartment, where are the money?
In this case, please forgive me,
I have every reason to believe that itself can manage with my case.
In that case, I am sorry,
I have no less reason to believe I myself I can manage with your case.
Cheater!
Please listen to... ladies of Paris,
and you know that your diamonds almost in my pocket?
And you, I am interested only in so I want you to secure old age.
Twenty percent.
- Yes... and my board. - Twenty-five.
And the key to the apartment.
- Thirty percent! - Well.
Only out of respect for yours noble origin
I am ready to work for these miserable
forty per cent.
That's 60 thousand!
Look... you are extremely greedy man.
- He loves you more money than you. - And you do not love me?
- No. - It's what you 60 thousand?
Of principle.
- Well, how, ice started? - Street Smart! - What?
- Has begun. - Ice cream started, gentlemen of the jury!
And I will lead a parade!
Hello, partner. There's good news.
Found the first chair.
A chair is here, the former of your apartments!
Please finish your morning toilet and draw near to work.
I am ready.
What about you? You crazy?
What is it?
Please look.
My God!
What is it?
They told me that the paint gives intense black color.
Goods smuggled!
All the produce contraband goods in Odessa, on the street Dierebassowskiej.
My God... what to do?
What to do?
Przemalujemy.
Paint "Naiad" painted hair the amazing, maroon color.
What do you say? Yes.
Impressive... so impressive. Simple and with taste.
But to live with such hair in Soviet Russia is inappropriate.
- Why? - You will be shaved.
That's impossible!
Then you sit there until the end of life the janitor, I'll go look for chairs.
Ogólcie!
For shaving and haircutting pays you two rubles.
Why so expensive? Everywhere take 40 kopecks.
For conspiracy, Comrade feldmarsza³ku.
Well, you're done.
Nervous - please do not look!
Head of House Welfare No 2 thief was shy.
His whole nature revolted against theft,
but do not steal - he could not.
Steal - and ashamed.
Constantly steal and constantly ashamed.
World has not seen this yet celestial thief, like Alexander Yakovlevich.
"Being non-ferrous metals to the point of purchase helping society! "
Welfare House No. 2
"Brass band by for collective creativity. "
Dyszkanty quieter!
Kukuszkina, quietly!
Excuse me, who is the leader here?
What is it, comrade?
Folk songs? Very interesting.
- I am a fire inspector. - Very nice to me, comrade.
- Well, s watch room. - There you go.
- Is this room used Prymusowa? - Kukuszkina!
- No, no, no! - Stoves and the like?
- No, no. - Come on.
Legs
This is our bedroom.
I understand.
Chimneys are cleaned regularly?.
- Yes, yes. - Ovens are you okay?
The total order.
Let's go further.
And what is this? A new batch of the old man?
- It's orphans. - A sad legacy of the tsarist regime.
Comrade Inspector, please for lunch, what God has given...
That day God gave the dinner Alexander Jakowlewiczowi ¯ubrówka bottle,
Domestic mushrooms, black caviar,
forszmak with herring, Ukrainian borscht, roast chicken with rice,
fruits, and so on, and the like.
Drink for your household utilities.
Many thanks.
- Bon Appetit. - Thank you.
By the way, why in your plant is the geriatric poor equipment?
Absolutely not what sit comfortably.
- How it is not what? - Well what a gentleman.
The rehearsal room is the English chair. They say that it was the old furniture.
The unique thing.
This morning was a chair here! Where to podzia³o?
That is what happened here.
Sad thing.
In your farm chairs disappear in mysterious ways.
- It's simply ridiculous! - I will look in the bedrooms.
One of my friends also selling state property.
These baseless me yours allegations seem very strange.
Listen, you...
wyskrobku... who sold the chair?
At this point, Pasha, gifted supernatural intuition, he understood,
it will just bits and maybe even kicked.
I do not know, I saw him the first time in my life.
- For the first time? - How do I love God! - Yes?
Oh, I should like your T-Mobile throat! Zarathustra I just can not.
Get out of a hundred devils!
One moment.
What are you doing?
Giving a person a bribe official time performance of their duties?
Article 114 of the Criminal Code. Shame!
".. So beat it for the British sea"
"The Red Army is all the strongest. "
"Now the Red Army public order "
"It holds its ruthless hand"
"And we all absolutely should"
"Go to the last, fatal battle." DISCUSSION "Does God exist?" Discount for non-believers.
OUR RESPONSE
World famous Mademoiselle FiFi
- Rob! - Let...
- Let me ..! - Help!
- Dad? - Hippolytus Matwiejewicz?
So it's you, Father, hunts on my property?
Very nice!
- It's not yours property. - A Whose?
- Nationalized. - By whom? - Authority of the working people.
- Authority workers and peasants? - Exactly.
It may be a daddy party?
- Perhaps. - Perhaps?
Well, daddy was?
You racketeer.
I say to you... I shit you resounded, Father Fiodorze!
For a brief hands!
In this green, cool evening weighed up the fate of the entire project.
If you can get copies of orders, according to which were granted Worobianinowa furniture,
the matter may be regarded as settled.
So I would like to find something father of furniture to keep the memory of him.
Maybe you know who have been provided furniture from my father's house?
This is a very complicated matter. Very complicated.
Deal with it can only a wealthy man.
Closer to the body, as he called Guy de Maupassant?
- Information will be rewarded. - Seventy rubles. - Granted, ojczulku.
Money in exchange for warrants. When to come?
And the money, you have money with you?
In that case, even now. Follow me, please.
Aha! The entire archive in your home.
Entirely complete. You know, just in case.
We live like a volcano, anything can happen.
People rush to find their furniture...
and where they are, the furniture? Oh, here they are!
And who had saved them, who had saved? Korobiejnikow!
And then, gentlemen, thank the old man.
And I do not have much, the top ten for nakazik... and sufficient.
O. .. Here orders.
All the furniture of your father... Here are all of them.
You are a veritable concrete move work.
- We need to put a monument to you! - Well, sir.
- I write pokwitowanko? - Can you please write.
You may want to have a set of General's Popowa what?
Very good and well executed by Gambsa.
No, heartfelt thanks.
Well... it goodbye!
No longer dare to abuse of your hospitality.
And money?
What money? He asked me about some money?
What! For furniture, for the orders!
Oops... my dear!
I swear on the memory of the deceased ojczulka, I forgot to take from your account.
Shut up... bojowniku idea!
I say tomorrow, that is tomorrow! Well, hi! Please write letters.
Stop!
Never Warfo³omiej Korobiejnikow has not been so basely deceived.
He could fool everyone and now lost
in your best interest, after which the expected large gains
and old age security.
Beg your pardon...
Beg your pardon, how to find Korobiejnikowa to the citizen?
I am Korobiejnikow.
I have asked Mr. uni¿on¹,
I am my brother Hippolyte Matwiejewicza Worobianinowa... rodzonym.
Ice cream started!
Well... nakazik the suite of furniture of your brother...
- Is in my possession. - Thank you.
Hundred rubles!
I'll have the money in advance!
- I do not mind that I pay with gold? - I do not mind.
Wait a minute.
Wtryniê his arrest on a set of General's Popowa.
Please.
- All in one place. - All, all.
Citizen Bruns. Grape street, house No. 34
All stand there, every one.
A magnificent set, Gambsowski. Lick fingers!
- I greatly thank you. - Not at all. Careful!
Prat.
But, but, I forgot to say
These orders paid for citizen Korobiejnikowowi seventy rubles.
- How much?! - Seventy!
Here's a receipt.
I believe that the partners involved the cost to half.
- No clear! - It let me ask 35 rubelków.
First order, ten chairs, was issued at the Museum Furniture in Moscow.
Second order, in one chair, was issued obywatelce Gricac...
obywatelce Gricacujewej, widow after disabled World War II.
Stargorod, street Plekhanov 15
- We will a widow. - Yes, yes.
It seems to me that the jewelry are found in this chair.
Waiting for you in the vestibule.
"Had a nice lady"
"They could fly like birds"
"I could not garbi³"
"I would be eternally them..." About!
".. Delighted."
- "I would be happy as ever." - "Evening bell..."
"How many thoughts"
"This brings it."
Hello, ojczulku.
Hello, Hipolit Matwiejewiczu.
Can not hurt you when you our last meeting?
Well you know what you I was very pleased to meet you.
A niebo¿¹tkom... ask you, now you do not use it?
And what to serve? Parishioners in the cities are scattered, looking for treasure.
His... please note their treasures!
Whose do not know, but I know that they seek.
A. .. a rival company!
Buy junk, krówko of God?
What do you mean?
I want you to sell a dead donkey ears.
What, the old things we buy, a new steal?
The enemy flees, he flees, he flees...
- Sam you fool! - What?
After the amount of "opium for the masses"?
- Good morning. - Good morning.
The health inspection.
- Dr. Michelson. - I am very pleasantly.
- Konrad Karlowicz. - I am very pleasantly.
Well, s watch room.
Go ahead, please.
I am telling you that he was. It certainly... Worobianinow the picture.
And with him was a lovely man. There must have been an officer.
What do you think, why he came?
In any event, not to to sign agreements with the Bolsheviks.
Think that it is under threat danger?
And who is not exposed at risk?
Mustache, dear Helen Stanislavovna, is not goals for no reason!
- Does it received the internationally? - Certainly.
But in so far as to come here?
"Do not be a child!
Victor Michaj³owiczu, I have to view it
Do you know what you risk?
All one to me.
After ten years of separation I can not meet with him!
Please, sir... I beg you.
Why do not you bring him. Why do not you bring it!
"Where among the pampas buffalo run "
"And the sunsets baobabami are the color of blood "
"In the thickets Amazon live pirate grim "
"He lived pirate, not a believer in love."
"Until one day, as the silent works,"
"When the terrible battle back home "
"Slick figure the color of chocolate"
"I waved from the shore hand to him."
"Where love..."
"There is always raining blood!"
"The girl stood still, the statuette
"A pirate decided to refer toward her, his ship '
"I fell in love with her, and called it"
"Birds at the branches of your soul."
"But one night, the young cowboy"
"Graceful Kreolkê saw on a date"
"And one bullet killed both of them"
"I, sunk in nostalgia wandered to the shore. "
"And when the morning za³ka³y Christmas tree
"He understood that the heart can not quench the passions "
"He scored for his shrapnel and shot '
"Ptaszka on the branches of your soul."
Upon my word, when you sing, I felt something hard under me.
They are there! A chair must be present at night to steal!
How do I love God, to steal!
As the marshal of the nobility you have a very rich imagination.
It's simple villainy rob the poor widow.
- It would be nice as soon as possible. - Quickly is just a cat blanket.
To quietly bury in his chair, marry her.
- Marry you? - And what, after all is a woman?
- But you are bound for life! - What is not done for the good of the company.
Good evening to you... Hipolit Matwiejewiczu.
I do not have the pleasure...
What do you have to say my friend?
Please do not be upset, Helen sent me Stanislavovna.
How so? So it is here?
Is.... and very, very wants to see you.
Pardon. Acquaintance of a woman?
Mhm... old friend.
This may fall into to an old friend for dinner.
I'm hungry like the wolf on the tea with the widow.
- Why not? - It's go.
Why do not you lead, mysterious stranger.
Do not worry, everything is strictly confidential.
- Secret? - Strictly!
I know what you risked, coming to me.
I do not ask, what comes Mr. Paris.
Did not come from Paris, came from...
We came with a friend from Berlin...
but for the better do not talk loudly.
By the way, in Berlin there very strange custom,
eat so late, it's hard to know...
whether an early dinner, or a late lunch.
And now work, run and operate.
Trying not wsypie? You can trust her?
- The political creed of the Lord? - Always!
Russia will not forget about you!
Absolute discretion. State secret!
You know who this wonderful old man?
Please do not say, can you not know that.
This is a giant of thought, father of Russian democracy
and a person standing close to the Tsar.
Our lot in town? What mood?
- Due to the absence of, say... - Well!
With your help bind the with the best people in the city,
whose bad luck pushed underground.
Who can I invite?
Former alderman Czarusznikow.
In the regiment you served?
I... I tell you the truth I was in the army.
- You're a gentleman? - Yes... I was.
I hope you are still there. Perseverance!
Foreign help. "
The overall organization of the conspiracy. Vigilance!
Take care! West will help us.
Listen up, young people are nobles? Very good.
West will help us. Take care.
Absolute secrecy contributions... This is... organization.
Relationship...
Relevance of the sword... and as he was there... Blade.
Vigilance!
President Odesskiego Artelu Bakery "Moscow bagel" Mr. Kislarski.
I am very pleased. Thank you.
Gentlemen, please.
- In what regiment do you serve? - Please forgive me, I was not in the army.
- You're a gentleman? - Yes. -Yes?
- No. - Yes or no?
I do not know, as you comfortably.
As a representative of private capital, you can not be deaf to the needs of the people.
- I can not. - Take care! - Okay.
Do you know who is there?
I am afraid of making mistakes, but I think This kocio Worobianinow.
- Kocio? - Yes. - What is it for you kocio!
- This is a giant of thought. - Kocio?
Father of Russian democracy. A person standing close to the Tsar.
Secret Link Sword and Blade!
O God!
- Can you still go out. - It may be better to go out.
- But I warn, we have long arms. - It can become better.
Take care! Take care.
Well.
Citizens! I will not speak about the purpose of our meeting, as it is known to you.
A holy purpose!
Everywhere we hear complaints... all pages of our vast country.
Some of you have a job and eat white bread with butter.
Others eat sandwiches with black caviar and some even with red.
Third receive allocations...
I only homeless children are unaccompanied.
We, the gentlemen of the jury, we should help them.
And we help them!
Immediate assistance is needed. Children are the flowers of life.
I urge you to make right now donated to help children.
Only children and to anyone else. Do you understand me?
Please make payment according to seniority.
To begin, the Reverend Maxim Petrovich.
Better times to come, it will give more.
Better times will take place shortly, indeed...
does not apply to homeless children, which currently represent.
Well... go on!
We have collected five hundred rubles.
Ladies and gentlemen! Children will not forget you.
The date of next meeting you will be notified separately.
Please break up individually!
- Full discretion. - Yes!
Relief for children should be kept secret. Moreover, it is in your interest.
We will not live!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Comrade Bender, what is the matter with you?
It's nothing, my hen, your cockerel is healthy.
You mad, you spoil everything! Please give a chair!
Comrade Bender, why not return?
Go, go, my hen!
Go back to the guests, my hen, your cockerel right back.
There's nothing there!
Nothing there.
You do not know how to keep in decent company.
Destroy you... my family life.
Comrade Bender! Comrade Bender, where are you?
To the window!
Go, go!
I'm going! Your suse³ek flies to his taps on the wings of love.
Wait a minute, and where the Father Fyodor?
Where is the treasure-seeker and the sworn enemy of Hippolytus Matwiejewicza?
Lost his father, Fyodor, urge him wealth.
Omota³o him for good and suffered it to Russia...
in search of a set of furniture General's Popowa,
which of course is nothing ..
Dad travels to Russia and only writes letters to his wife.
Katiu my love!
My trip is so short, as we thought.
Engineer Bruns, who is chair,
moved with Stargorodu to Kharkov,
and then to Rostov, where I'm going now.
So Be patient
and God help sell my old cassock
and what furniture to sell, itself, mateczko, choose.
Yes... The almost forgotten, I had the great displeasure.
Leaving from Kharkov,
I admired the Russian train window Nature .. from my head...
the wind blew my hat from his head. Zdmuchnê³o hat!
Partners came to the capital equivalent to eleven
Moscow time.
Where are you actually arrived?
For respectable people. There are many in Moscow and they are all my friends.
Please partner.
It was a wonderful house academic monk named Berthold Schwartz.
Once lived here, students of chemistry,
and now it was something indirect
between community housing, a feudal village.
Wheels, are you?
Again, this fool zwalili the guests at dawn.
For sure the police.
Comrades! Maybe a little quieter, I want to sleep!
Yes, I am at home. Climb.
Oh, hi! Climb, climb.
- Was married, this is Lisa. - I am very pleased.
Kolya, you can for a moment?
- Gorgeous today morning, my dear lady. - What's in it this beautiful! "
Please do not be surprised This is the last room. Here is the acoustics.
I'll give you the key to peace Iwanopula. Went on half a year in the delegation.
That Make yourself at home.
Great solution!
Key to the apartment, where they will lay the money.
- Bye. - Bye.
Please visit us.
- Even their little guests! - And they that go to the canteen.
Well pray you give a man sleep!
Interestingly, where a medical student division of the mattress?
It is better to sell a skeleton than a mattress. Well, where are you, partner?
Please enter.
Pardon.... and where we sleep?
Furnish up perfectly.
Please ignore. This property Iwanopulo.
Well... Now a short vacation and furniture to the museum.
Oh, by the way, here's destiny Lord,
man standing near the Tsar.
Here are two hundred rubles.
Maybe you do not count. You are not in the church, here no one cheated.
Souvenir.
I took a souvenir from Madame Gricacujewej.
And what... fiery woman, as the poet says.
I will not go more the vegetarian canteen.
I no longer eat a false hare Carrot or sausages with peas.
So I submit to the meat of the poor animals over vegetarian food?
- Yes? - Yes!
For the first time in three months of married life,
Wheels realized that his beloved does not like vegetarian dishes,
for which, between us saying, he is not liked.
But the meat... the meat of their family budget simply would not stand!
My girl!
- All diseases take the meat. - Well, well!
Body, weakened by constant consumption of meat, no strength, to fight infection!
Well, well!
"All happy families are similar,
and each unhappy is unhappy in its own way. " Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina, part of the 1st.
Leo Tolstoy also do not eat meat.
But as he wrote "War and Peace", and ate meat! Eat, eat, eat!
- And as he wrote "Anna Karenina" is ¿ar³! - Chopped as it should be!
Not meddling in our family life!
Why is my czepi³aœ with its Tolstoy?
I? To you?
CZEPIL now! Or something!
Where are you going?
- I ask you, where are you going? - Please leave me alone!
- Farewell, unhappy! - Liza!
- She went to drown! - No, she went after the sausage.
Lizo! Lizawieta! Lizawieta, come back!
O God! Give me finally sleep!
What you see before me?
- Bed. - Yes, the bed. Specifically - furniture.
What does this tell us the furniture?
This piece of furniture tell us about it massive revenues, not from work was a dissolute aristocracy.
Miss, young lady! I am talking to you!
In the museum you can not touch the furniture!
- Excuse me. - Good to know.
Only a morbid fantasy failing grades
could think of bedroom furniture so unbelievable proportions.
Not even worth talking about that ordinary people would not have what do these strange couches.
There is nothing funny about this.
- Can you come closer? - You can, but please do not touch.
What is, what does this mean?
- Calm down, sir Michellson. - What does this mean?
Is the last room, and they never have!
Lord, partner, should electroconvulsive heal.
A chair is not a needle, we can find.
- Is it these? - No!
Yes... Please wait here for me.
Comrade Bender!
- As you went there? - Quite by accident. Quarreled with her husband.
- How to ..? - For a moment I will return.
- Yes... Elizawieto ..? - Petrovna.
- I am very pleased. Hippolytus Matwiejewicz. - I am very pleased.
- Sille vous plait. - What?
- Please sit down. - Thank you very much.
Yes... Such cases.
- In Paris, it is already spring. - Have you been to Paris?
- Sometimes. - You're probably a scientist?
For a long time... to some extent.
Sorry for the indiscreet question, Unless you count the years?
The study, which currently represent This has no connection.
But more or less? Thirty?
Forty? Fifty?
Almost...
Thirty-eight.
Ooo... what you say it!
You look much younger.
Mrs. kidding... pochlebczyni.
Please tell us how can we explain, that the museum has furniture from Stargorodu, sent here for the voucher?
As it does not!
What did you say?
When I was lucky see the lady again?
And where it disappeared Bender companion?
What is this Bender? Maybe today?
- Today? - I beg you. "
Well, please come to us.
No, let's meet in the open air. Now is the lovely weather.
"This is May - swawolnik, This is May - wizard "
"Blows us a fresh breath."
- This poem by Mayakovsky. - Yes... probably.
- So today? - What you strange. - Thank you!
Excuse me, mademoiselle. We have to quickly go to some place.
- Excuse me. - Sorry, sorry, sorry.
By evening, Elizawieto Petrovna.
For the evening!
What... What happened?
Cab! Cab! Cab! Cab! Stop!
For auction... fast!
O God, O God! That one!
Consider taking it, and farewell!
- That one! - Silence!
Can I buy these chairs?
Here you go... but tomorrow. Today, auctions are completed.
Thank you!
Well, we have chairs in your pocket. Please do pray, pray for me!
Wine, women and cards you have already zaklepane!
Worobianinow had in his pocket two hundred rubles.
Man about town were decided Lisa dazzle a wide gesture.
Go ahead.
- Can you ask? - For a minute.
- Can you ask? - For a moment.
Can you...
I ask you? Yes, yes, Mr.
This table do not support. Please change.
Pardon!
It's a table for foreigners.
O. .. amazing!
Veal Cutlet - two twenty-five.
Fillet - two twenty-five.
Vodka... incredible!
Price is per carafe.
Oops... Sorry.
No, no, I did not want to eat. Or maybe...
Tell us, Comrade...
you can make... vegetarian?
Vegetarian cuisine is not conducting.
So... please give us hot dogs,
.. about that for ruble twenty.
A bottle of vodka i. .. all
And what about for a snack?
Maybe a fresh caviar, salmon, pies, oysters...
You do not need. How much have cucumbers... cucumbers?
- After five kopecks. - Well... please specify.
Two!
I was not ever there. It is very nice.
Yes, yes... yes.
Please.
Thank you very much.
Maybe a bunch?
For the ladies.
I'll go now, and you may be.
As a gentleman I can not allow this to happen.
Please!
Please listen! Please listen!
PojedŸmy... pojedŸmy to the hotel.
Waiter!
Champagne!
Yokels!
Champagne!
Bronze figure depicting justice.
Vasily! Show public justice!
Five rubles. Who gives more?
- Six! - Six rubles for the first time.
Six and a half.
- Would take up quite a stir... - Seven! - Eight.
- If they learned what is in those chairs. - Nine!
Nine rubles for the first time,
nine rubles for the second time,
nine rubles... the third time.
Justice sold.
Miss, please take the money, sixth row from the left.
Ten of the palace chairs.
- Why is the palace? - Sit and you do not get away!
- 80 rubles. - 90!
100.
105!
110.
115.
- Why did not you bid?! - He went won!
120.
- 125 - 130
145!
145 rubles in the fifth row, from left, the first time.
145 for the second time.
145 after the third time.
200!
200 for the first time.
200 for the second time.
200 for the third time.
Sold!
And how, partner? Effectively?
Yes... yes!
- The men bought a chair? - My... my, my.
- When can they take? - When men want, even once.
- They pay 230 rubles gentlemen. - Why 230 and not 200?
Charge 15 percent commission.
Well, what can I do? Difficult.
I have a 200, makes 30 cuddly, so quickly, because a lady waiting!
- I have no money. - How to... and two hundred rubles?
I will...
- .. I lost. - Give me the money, the old rascal!
- Have you will pay? - Wait a minute, a tiny perturbation.
With permission! We do not know anything about a komisowym!
To warn you!
I refuse to pay these 30 rubles!
Well. Il get it soon.
In accordance with the provisions of licytacyjnymi
people refusing to pay the full amount for the purchased item,
are required to leave the room!
Gentlemen!
Yes... the result was great!
Such a great blow Kombinator not experienced for a long time
Unheard of orders!
You must lodge their complaint with the police.
God knows what it means!
Tearing the skin of the working man!
For God's sake! Ten used chairs 230 rubles!
- You can go crazy! - Yes.
True? You can go crazy!
Can.
It is a militia!
It's too expensive chairs for the working people of all countries!
This is the night trips to the girls!
This is for your gray beard! And this... hook you in the taste!
Now get out!
- All is lost! - What is lost?
Sell a set of art!
Please do enjoy.
What's up?
Go, boy!
Cautious... Gavrila! Go!
Second floor.
An elegant lady, two chairs, Warsonofiewski alley. House No. 18, a flat 18
Keep the ruble!
Uncle, make no little.
Ears of a dead donkey! Hear from Pushkin.
- Goodbye... handicapped! - Uncle, make!
We know where the nine chairs.
- Chances are even. - Yes, yes, you can not fall down on the spirit.
I am concerned about the tenth chair.
Well. We have nine chances against one.
It is not the worst.
Meeting in progress!
Why do not you listen to... ulubieñcu ladies!
Chairs should slosh, until hot!
Act boldly. And how much cynicism!
People like it.
Well, no offense!
The Penal Code should...
The Code should respect.
William Shakespeare's vocabulary count, assume, about 12 thousand words,
vocabulary from the tribe of cannibals Mumbo - Jumbo is three hundred words,
Eli Shchukin completely enough to thirty words.
Ho-ho!
The words "ho-ho" Hela measured the virtually everything.
In this case, she said, upon my word, that of the husband's shirts
can be chic dress, not worse than,
which bears this unfortunate American.
Men, seeing me in this dress, shake and go with me to the end of the world
raging with love, but I will coldly.
Iron!
Hello, Helena.
Hello, ch³opaczku.
And what is it?
- How did these chairs? - Ho-ho!
Here's a translation: "It is true, what cute?"
"I say now, that your wife has no taste? "
Yes, nice chairs.
Someone gave as a gift?
"Do not be naive Who can afford to such gifts? "
That is to say... that it Kupilas?!
- Well, hell already gave! - Ho-ho!
"Do not put!"
Scandal! I told you a thousand times, that you are living beyond their means.
Do not teach me as I live!
Let's talk seriously. I earn two hundred rubles,
I do not take bribes, do not steal money,
- I can not cook them! - Ho-ho!
Well. So you can not live.
- We have split up. - Enormous!
But where, where did you this stupid jargon?!
Please teach me how I live!
No, it is quite unbearable.
RozejdŸmy immediately. You leave this room.
I'll give you a hundred rubles a month. Even a hundred and twenty.
Live as you want, I have so I can not.
-Ivan went to the cottage Alekseyevich and left me his apartment. - Enormous!
Only a little furniture there. I'll have the desk...
and one of these chairs.
- I think I have this right. - Iron.
I have a question.
Beautiful fur.
Mexican leafhoppers.
It is impossible lady cheated!
Sold you a much more valuable fur.
This is Shanghai barsy!
Well, barsy! Recognize them in the shade.
- You see, as fur sparkles in the sun. - Iron, boy.
Sure surprised Mrs. morning visit the stranger.
I came to you in a certain delicate matter.
Mrs. yesterday at auction
and you had me extraordinary impression.
- Colossal. - She bought you a chair.
Only you, the women's taste, could buy the art object.
My dear... my dear, Let me sell you the chair.
I'll pay for it ten rubles. Well... twelve.
Crazy, boy!
Incidentally... Now in Europe better homes and Philadelphia,
pours the tea through a sieve.
This is a very chic and very elegant.
Just came to my friend diplomat in Vienna and brought I this trifle.
Zamieñmy is - you give me a chair, I will give you a strainer. Ho-ho?
Iron!
Give me a second seat.
Ho-ho.
What's "ho-ho"? Where the second chair?
"We are free birds, for us, brother, it's time "
"Where the sea becomes white top."
"Where are Overseas countries'
"Where..."
Janitor!
Dozor...
The situation was horrible.
In Moscow, the city center,
on the eighth floor landing has grown man with higher education,
absolutely goluteñki. He had no where to go.
Would rather go to prison, than show up in this state.
He has been only one. Die!
End of Part One